anything

i’d give anything

to break this silece and keep

myself from

falling in and out.

 

i would love to

have someone that

i was afraid to let down.

 

i have to have something to

keep myself occuopied through

the times before

destructio takes its wake.

the vampyre (embodiment of the undead)

Two thousand years. Two thousand very long years. With all this time behind me I still missed the only woman I felt loved me for who I was instead of what I was. Some women over the years discovered what I was, though most by accident. Most became obsessed with the one thing only I cold give them: immortal life. So many of them could never get passed the fact that a simple bite could cause them to live forever that they followed me everywhere, they also occasionally almost blew the secret I’d kept for so long before that. Every one of them I drained so completely that there was no way they would become immortal or be revived by humans. I pumped them with so many toxins that often they were believed to have drank themselves into a stupor and a killer had somehow drained them of all of the blood they had. Of course, I always moved towns after the deaths so I was never caught. Now, in 2010, My secret was close to being exposed to all of humanity once again. This time it wasn’t by a woman, it was from a young man sick with aids. He was threatening to reveal my secret if I didn’t make him immortal and let him live with me forever he’d blow my cover. Many times I have thought of gaining myself a male companion. Though, in this modern age, being gay wasn’t accepted, this young man already accepted that he is this way despite society’s hatred of the way he is. Despite this, something still worries me. He clearly looked more modern than I did, like he belonged with these people. The year of my birth made me very conspicuous because I didn’t look the same. Though I often passed as a foreigner I was nervous that this man may have guessed my secret based off of my looks. This is something that bothered me very dearly and was something I didn’t want to happen again if it could be avoided. That was something I planned on asking him that night, in exchange for the honest answer I decided that I would change him. Thanks to my ability to read minds I would know instantly what the real answer was, if he told me or not. I went to the apartment we had agreed to share and waited on him. When he returned from work he was amazed to see me there. We both worked nights and slept before dawn came. For now, we had maybe a half hour before sunrise. I was usually on the prowl for small amounts of animals to dine on and was trying to appear inconspicuous. “What are you doing home? Your usually still out looking for things to dine on.” “Usually I am yes. I found some stray pit bulls tonight. They were good other than some mange. Thats not why I’m waiting here tonight. I would like to change you but in exchange I want an honest answer to a question.” “Anything! Anything at all! All I would ever want to do is make you happy.” “How did you discover I was a vampyre despite me never giving you any clues to my nature?” He hesitated. I read his mind to see what was running through his mind. He’d met my kind before it seems. The other had also been very kind to him with the exception of one thing: he gave him the blood that infected him with aids. He’d been told that it was a serum that would change him into a vampyre. Instead he had discovered that he had been infected with aids and left to die. I even knew the vampyre he spoke of: Monroe Osdale, my very own creator. He was killed around the time this man was infected with aids. This is the man that got my predecessor murdered! Our leaders, the first of the vampyre clan knew when a human was lieing about knowing the truth of the myths. He had himself infected on purpose so one more vampyre would be out of this world. Before he ever had a chance to answer, I lunged. I drained him completely while the neighbors heard him scream. With the amount of time I had left that night I fled, found a new place to hide while the sun god made his rounds. The next night I would once again start over in a new city.

who is your god?

So many different Gods

Packaged and veiwed in

So many different ways it

Can get hard to remember

Who belongs to who.

So many different religions

That argue that their God

Is the best and the only,

That only those that want

To deny his existance for

Fun wouldn’t beleive in the

Same one as them.

Even within the same religion

The one they choose to call

God can be shown differntly

And the very dynamics of what

Is called a prayer to him

Can change with the seasons.

No one thinks that someone

Else’s beleifs could be correct.

Their own personall ones need

To be the only ones out there,

Everyone else needs to be wrong.

Who has ever thought to

Break the idea of a God or

Even many gods down to the

Basic DNA?

Who ever would have thought

That God could change from

Person to person and that

Every person could possibly

Be completely wrong?

So many people try to convert,

So many go to other countries

To preach their truth instead of

Leaving everyone to their own

Truth, no matter its age or the

State of taboo to other parts

Of the world.

Alone here in America hundreds

Of Gods are represented, even

If it’s just one kid beleiveing they

Were personally touched by the

Noodley appendage of the Great

Spagetti monster in their closet.

Why must we fight over who is

Right when we could all be wrong?

the roaches have no king reveiw

a book from the perspective of cockroaches living in a jewish mans home. they once lived in the beautiful filth of the mans home and enjoyed every moment of it. this bliss was shattered when the mans girlfriend, known to the roaches as the gypsy, leaves him. a new woman comes into the picture and is a neat freak. as the roaches fight for their way of life one also goes on a fight to find the gypsy and have her return.

definately an interesting veiw of an insect. its definately a veiw that most people wouldnt consider looking into. the further you go into the story the more you wonder what will happen. though im not usaully one to enjoy a book from the veiw of something i would consider a pest, as with many other readers. i fully expected to be completely grossed out by the thought of reading a book from the point of veiw of a roach. by the end of the book you feel for the roach and understand everything they were going through. a great book for parents and their kids, or just as a person who enjoys reading. even with the point of veiw of a roach there, you still wont feel sympathetic enough to keep the buggers in your home!

angels and demons

many people are familiar of the story of the davinchi code. this is a story that i have to admit, has a similar vibe to it.

despite all vibes simmilar to the davinchi code this book is also very different. its a story of love, religion, and distruction. its something that people, no matter their religious choices, can enjoy reading. not only does it have a positive veiw on many abrahamic religions it also, in some ways, shows how despite religion people can get  along.

im not one who spends a lot of time looseing sleep in a book, in fact, this is the first time its happened in several years. this is definately a book good enough to loose sleep over. with every page the story evolves and it keeps you gripped in every twist and turn as they come into veiw. as soon as you think you know whats going to happen it finds a new way to evolve.

no matter your opinions on the movie version, the book is definately worth the read. it’ll keep you gripped until the very end and make you not want to sleep until you get to the end.

effects of homophobia

homophobia takes a toll on a lot of peoples lives–not just those people who choose to come out as members of the glbt community.

some high school age children (and adults depending on if they turn 18 before or after they graduate) may fear bringing glbt friends (or those who support glbt rights) home in fear that parents will be offensive to the friend. i know i personally avoided bringing any friends over until by own grad party was set to happen knowing a lot of friends supported glbt rights and one was openly bi. i already knew my own mother may make comments about how all gays were disgusting and going to hell (thanks to the age old “gays are an abomination) and may dad may come out with his same old “all gay people are in a gang” comment. being bisexual myself (and an avid gay rights supporter for many years) and growing up in this enviroment i felt uncomfortable enough being in this environment, none the less introduceing my friends to it.

for those being openly glbt they face even more discrimination about coming out of the closet. i know plenty of friends that are afraid to come out with their sexuality because of how people will react to a sexuality they cant change. with some of said friends i only know their being anything other than straight because i was already open about my own sexuality. some wouldnt even come out of the closet to a room of glbt rights activists (often meeting as gsa’s) in fear that even there they would be discriminated against despite the people being openly supportive of what the community goes through as a whole.

many often wont come out of the closet as glbt at all because of homophobia and hatred. they’ll be stuck in misarable marrages because they dont feel safe marrying (or dont have the right to marry the man/women of their dreams) the person they wish to. those that are trans may not feel safe getting the gender switch they want because of this hatred despite their ability to pay for the surgery. no one in this group is even safe from being murdered because of their sexuality. people like lawrence king, a middle school student murdered by a classmate for being gay and mentioning the other boy was “cute”, appear every year.

living in colorado i even know of trinidad, the sex change capitol of the world. even with this major city to the transsexual community existing in my home state their still major hate for them in this country. i already personnally know one person who is transgender who refuses to tell his family that he isnt his born gender and doesnt want to be called his original name because he already knows that telling them he wishes to chage to male would be a death sentence.

this is something many of us want to get rid of. its already something many hate groups keep us from being able to gain politically everywhere. there always seems to be one out there somewhere to hold us back. many of us wont be able to gain full marrage rights in our home state because these groups and people keep fighting to keep us from getting the equal rights we feel we deserve.

for those of you out there who have been helping our community gain the rights we deserve, thank you. you’ve helped us a lot. some of us you’ve helped emotionally more than you know.

for those of you against gay rights who possibly think about gays the way my parents do i have some questions id like you to honestly think about. what if the world and the law wasnt already in your favor? what if you couldnt marry your opposite sex partner because those who were glbtq didnt support heterosexual marraige? wouldnt you fight for what we are to?

gifted or cursed?

for a long time ive wondered if being clairvoyant was the gift my parets made it out to be. sure, it was always nice to see my grandfather come back from time to time but i wasnt sure if it was worth seeing everything else. the dead biker hit by the car, the person killed in a grizzly murder, the suicide looking to make amends with famil. those were there more times than i could count.

im seventeen and the only person in my family “gifted” enough to see them. i have no other friends like me and theres no one in their families i can relate to either. the only support i have are the random freaks on the internet who claim to be able to see the dead. from the stories i get, i just take them as writers trying to sound cool to someone they dont know, maybe they even think that if i really am the real thing i wont see through their tales. i dont see me having any chances of finding anyone authentic there.

for now im alone, left wondering how i managed to get this considering no one else in my family claims no spiritual gifts. i always try to help the dead where i can. myspace has become a very usefull tool, even if the person on the other end didnt beleive what i had to say (or at least they pretended they didnt). i knew for sure some found peace in what i’d had to tell them, some even beleived that i wouldnt have known their names if i hadnt been speaking to the dead person directly. i just hope i have a long time to decide if this is a gift or a curse on my own. after all, isnt that the only choice i have?