Archive for September, 2008

affecting past

Posted in pagan, poetry on September 11, 2008 by gothiclg

pain is a constant

reminder of what

ive wasted too

many hours

running from.

 

youve destroyed

an amount of time

that i can never

attempt to get

back as i now

fight to stay in

a path of love.

 

i fight to stay

away from you and

avoid the pain you

caused and continue

to worry about

who else is there.

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damn things fly

Posted in life on September 10, 2008 by gothiclg

today just seemed to fly by. it seemed like before i knew it i was already back home from school. i barely got up on  time because for whatever reason my alarm decided it wanted to be a bitch and not go off though the sound was on full blast. i dont know whats up with it. it does this at least once a week, i think it just hates me or something. then i get to school and every class (even lunch if you can even consider that a class) seemed to fly by like i wasnt even there today. i loved creative writing (like always, its my favorite class in the world and i have an insane percentage) and got started on a memoir for the class today (which i may post here later when i dont have much else to do). not to mention its been four weeks after school started and it feels like its been a week. days just smear together and i cant remember what happened today and what happened a week ago. everything just smears together so easily. hell, i finished my first pot for ceramics last week (thursday i think) and it feels like i barely finished it yesterday. its crazy how much ive been able to do in such short classes (compared to the ones im used to at least) and i cant beleive how little is actually sticking to the days their supposed to.

not to mention there is a really hot guy i have a crush on (hot enough i could bake cookies on him) and i’ll probably never have enough nerves to talk to him none the less date him. so far im just left to my dreams where we’re together. too bad all the guys i think are really hot are either gay, not interested in me, or im too much of a chicken to even talk to the guy. you never know though. one day in history he was focused my way and i dont know if he was looking at me or someone else. im sure anyone knows which one i hope is true. 🙂

to the crush

Posted in poetry, romance on September 9, 2008 by gothiclg

im forced to

stare because

i know i’ll never

have a chance.

 

my life takes too many

courses that need

my attention and

we’ll never get a

chance to speak.

 

i know we

share a class or

two but we never

sit close to

each othr keeping us

from meeting.

 

im much too

shy to speak wiyh

you out of class

because of my own

shitty nerves.

 

i know i act

really stupid

and a lot of stareing

but maybe with you

isnt where im

meant to be,

maybe its by the

side of another.

 

to my mate i

hope to find

you extremely soon.

long day

Posted in life on September 8, 2008 by gothiclg

seemed like life just lasted foever today. it felt like something was making it drag on. i spent my lunch outside (like normal), i was interested in all my classes to a point (as usual), and i payed attention to all my classes like normal. im not sure what was keeping me from being as interested as normal. i think it was just a long day because of a pre-test in bio and not sleeping all day yesterday so i could sleep last night. i do that normally and things dont usually drag on this slow so who knows?

there were people here registering people to vote today. i didnt walk up to the little table to register since i did months ago but one of the ladies was walking around during lunch today and walked up to me (i think its because i looked old enough to vote) and was talking about some sort of team they were trying to start. while i was talking to her i learned that in the mccain campaign his vice presidential candidate didnt support gay rights. i was planning on voteing for him because there was a woman on his docket but after hearing this theres no way im voting for him. i cant say i support gay rights and then support someone who’s against them, its way to hypocritical and why make an attempt to put someone in office who already hates me? sure, obama has all of the scandals but he may have more perks than mccain.

death assignment

Posted in pagan, poetry on September 8, 2008 by gothiclg

death comes quickly

after life and so many

things can make it

come about.

 

so many things can

connect you to

your god and goddess

and so many paths

can be taken.

 

so much love

cane come into

light and so much

can be stolen away.

 

so many ways to

continue serving after

death and so many ways

for you to be assigned.

looking back on the good old days

Posted in Uncategorized on September 7, 2008 by gothiclg

ive spent some time looking back at the past 4 years. sure, they involved repeating a grade, looseing anf makeing friends and enimies, makeing a lot of strong bonds with people (and even breaking a few on purpose or by complete accident), and a switch in beleif systems that most wouldnt agree too but i really do realize how much it all truely means to me. sure, there were the people i couldnt stand at DSST and others i couldnt stand looseing but they all really have meant a lot to me over the past few years. i look at some of them and what i learned and i realize how far they’ve really gotten me. i realize how important they’ve all really been to me and how some of them continue to be important now as my life gains its years. some of them actually do scare me some (sometimes by asking me questions like “are you pregnant?”) but sometimes you need to be at least a little freaked by something for it to have an affect on life.

i know a lot of these people i may never have a chance to thank because of broken bonds or me not knowing how to communicate it to them with my peanut brain but pretty much all of them have had a profound effect on my life and im not entirely sure how to thank everyone for everything theyve actually done for me…some of them have made some sort of effect and im not even sure how they did. there are so many happy memories for so many of them and there are times when i see that they really helped me through something that i would have never seen coming, sometimes they even saw it and tried to warn me but were still there to support me when i later realized id really messed up. because of that, i think, i really relized who i could truely depened on and who where the real losers in life that i needed to get rid of to get my life going in the right direction. though in some of these cases i have to admit that i had made a wrong choice long before meeting them i have to admit that there are some that got me headed in the right direction later and i have to really thank thank them for that, though that also can be a bit complicated to put into words with how crazy things get and how little time so many of us have. no matter what though, the thankfulness and the memories will still be there.

for those who do read that have had a positive effect, thanks for the happy memories and hopefully ive had as good of an effect on your life as you have had on mine.

blessed be.

long day in the life

Posted in Uncategorized on September 5, 2008 by gothiclg

been a really long day. most of the people surrounding me have been pretty dumb, most complaining about trivial things like coming home a little late from yesterdays spartans football game and having one homework assignment to do over the ENTIRE weekened. ive spent so much time at DSST one homework assignment isnt anything. im used to 3x that much homework in a single night. they act like its torture to have the homework asignment though it was given to us on thursday and we have until monday to complete it. i guess i’ll have to live with people complaining about such a miniscule amount of homework. i know i have a lot more chill time than a lot of the other people i know from other schools.

times keep changeing for me. i still have a lot to deal with coming to my new religion and with some of the same anti-gay jokes that i havent heard in quite a long while. there are a lot of my teachers, my one in civics in perticular, who dont allow the comments in the classroom and students get in trouble when the word is said within earshot. my civics teacher does tend to crack me up, though. whenever one of the students in my civics class decides to used “thats so gay” or “your so gay” or any of the “so gay” espressions that seem to be so popular nowadays he automatically (and often sarcastically) blurts out “you mean colorful and joyus?”. it makes me crack up almost every time i hear it so far which is almost every day. he uses sarcasum a lot and sometimes it can be a little hard to tell when he’s serious or not. in fact, with all the younger teachers it can be a little hard sometimes, not to mention all of my classes are a breeze and it seems to be impossible for me to fail anything unless i so absolutely nothing in the class which is so far impossible for me to do.

spoke to the gay-straight alliance teacher a week ago and she claimed it would be starting next week since jamaican jam was this week. i havent heard an announcement in the mournings yet so im not sure if shes really going to make the announcement about it. im thinking i’ll have to go annoy that one tutor again to get her name so i can go speak with her again. i really hate to be a pest but making friends has never been an easy thing for me to do and GSA is the easiest way for me to do it for right now. not to mention my friend, her sister, and her sisters friends always use exel time for something now and i need something to fill my time now too instead of sitting around doing nothing for a half an hour every wednesday.