i got stuck on this topic today during lunch. i was calmly sitting in jefferson square park and all the sudden a thought hit me: why was i chosen for this incarnation? why was i not chosen to be a guide? i sate there the entire lunch period wondering about why i was here over a guide, when i died from this physical body would i be chosen to enter another one, how many past lives do i already have, when would i become a guide. before i knew it i had to put my thinking on pause and head to another string of boring classes that my mind had to put up front.

i picked up the topic again as i was walking out to my friends car for my ride home and it lasted until we started moving and i started paying more attention to the scenary that was passing by, trees, a few houses, grass, weeds, things like that. then, when we where back at my house, another idea stuck me, maybe i was this interested in nature in my last incarnation, maybe id missed all of this up to this point in my life because so much from christianity was clogging my veiws of this world and so much from before id explained off as it was all “gods” doing. now that theres so much more space to discover things that i hadnt before and think about things in more depth than i ever had before its so hard to focus on the narrow amount that i always had before. its like the whole world has opened up and there are so many other possibilities open to me that i would have never before imagined where even possible. now i feel like theres so much more that i should be paying attention to and im not sure if my bucket of a brain will be able to focus on any one given thing.

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