random museings of the day

we’ve been designing these lidded pots since school started on the 19th by drawing on these lame sheets. now that we’ve fineally moved on to clay im almost dome makeing mine. ive cut out the lid and the spider thats meant to be on it is already on. i’ll be able to add color tomorrow which will make my spider look more like a black widow than just a spider. i even had one of the advanced level potters say it was a cool idea. that was pretty cool considering he mostly seems to be into picking on me instead of being kinder to me. oh well, you cant always choose to not be picked on.

 

i spent some time today with what life after death will be like. i was always a christian before where your deeds and comitment to god determined where you would go. where everything was spelled out for you and defined, where it was easy to figure out exactly where you would be. where trees where just trees, where animals didnt have a soul, where humans fate was decided by one man instead of some other sort of being or multiple “gods” like my new chosen path has shown. i have my beleif that i’ll be a guide or be incarnated again and i beleive in more than one god. i see where i want to go in this life and sincerly hope that i will get there. i live being as kind to others as possible yet still wonder where this life will take me from here, how far i have to go. even how much longer i have to get there. sometimes its nice to think you have the answers you need from some sort of “bible” or “book” that tell you what to beleive. for me, that “knowledge”, turned to be a curse that i could no longer beleive, that added to the stress. i beleive that ive entered a much better place.

im a bit surprised at how well i used to know some of those words of wisdom. they where something i used to feel i needed to get through the day, the thing that would get me through all of the anti-gay comments if i only ignored the anti-gay comments that where contained within it. now, with the religion i now beleive in, things give me a lot more space. give me more to beleive in and help me feel the love that i seeked. im glad to have found what im looking for and to be so close to the gods i beleive in. i love to be able to take my path this way. looking at life now, i wouldnt have it any other way and i dont ever want it to be any other way again.

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