Archive for October, 2008

none the same in death

Posted in life with tags , , , on October 26, 2008 by gothiclg

thanks to a mix of a scary movie and a guy i work with on occation (most chill guy ever and the most honest person ive ever met, parents included) ive realized how unfair death really is, how no one’s equal in deaths eyes. the people who’ve never done shit to anyone can die young just because someone’s karma decided to take them out of the frame while people like osama bin laden get to kick it in some hole somewhere without death coming anywhere close to them. its like death just likes to cut people off whenever it feels like it without any regard to their acitons in life or the evil they’ve done to anyone else. it scares me that ive tried to do so much good in the lives of the people around me (and i can only hope i have done some good) yet i can be cut out of the frame a lot sooner than a mass murderer or anyone whose commited a major crime. ive already almost lost life twice and know the feeling to be afraid of looseing my life and learning to appriciate it yet i never know how much i’ll ever truely have.

96% of people said they wouldnt want to know when and how they’d die, im in that 96%, but i cant help but wonder why the evil people in the world arent taken out of the frame long before i would be. sure, i know that everyone has to be taken out of the picture eventually but its not as fair that those who’ve spent their lives trying to improve others lives can die a lot sooner than those who havent.

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darkend day in the sea

Posted in class/school, life, pagan with tags , , , on October 24, 2008 by gothiclg

had a bit of an off day despite all the fun thats happened. its almost like something was always looming over my head that i didnt know about, that i couldnt pick up. sure, i talked to two girls in ceramics about some fun stuff, got to talk to some more friends in biology, got to see a friend i hadnt seen in ages and got to talk to her a little. for whatever reason though i felt like some sort of death was looming over me all day. sure, i know i sense ghosts, ive been able to do it for years, but its seemed to be getting more positive lately. it seemed like this was a bad negative though. sure, i know my school is haunted, ive seen all the orbs in my homecoming pictures and sensed their left energies, and i also know that i dont know why any of them are stuck there considering i havent found any news articles concerning death’s at the school. i cant even say it was one of the ones that belonged to the school, that it wasnt one that followed me from home in an effort to get some of the help it wanted. sure, the gods send them to me and other sensitives for help but i have no way of increaseing my sensitivity more to be able to speak/communicate with them more clearly. it sucks. im going to light my usual candles and incense later and hope that it helps the spirits find their way.

chinese fire drills

Posted in life, travel with tags , , , , on October 22, 2008 by gothiclg

we pulled another one today…well at least my friends sister and her friends did. we were at the light at wal-mart and they got out and ran. one of the friends dropped a pack of gum but he always drops something. last time it was his phone in my car, i left it to freeze in my car that night and gave it to him the next day. was fun to watch them run around the car though.

the campaign adds are beginning to annoy me. i’ve seen them a million times and its beginning to get old seeing all of the negativity. ive even been getting campaign adds in the mail from both campaigns with even more negativity. you’d think they’d have figured out that promoteing what they beleive in may work alot better for those of us in the moderate section of the political spectrum. sure, some pay attention to those (i did for awhile there) but not everybody. i guess they gotta get the idiots to vote for them somewhere, right?

crazy times

Posted in class/school, life, travel with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2008 by gothiclg

today started out a bit crazy and only got crazier. it seemed like i was about to be hit the whole drive to school and it got crazier from there. most of the day i guess you could say was calm until we got to the point we went to pick my sister up from school. when we got there i put my car in park at the curb and we randomly wanted to do a chinese fire drill for no good reason. after we fineally decided we wanted to park and go in and talk to people we knew from before until we got kicked out a half hour later. fineally we left there and headed home. on the way my friend had me stop at two different stoplights on purpose (we went really slow) so we could do chinese fire drills the right way. she and i were the only ones that did the first one and her sister and her sisters friend did that one. it was a blast. at least one person laughed at us and more probably thought we were on some sort of drugs

while passing wal-mart though we spotted this hot guy. my friend told me to honk at him for something to do and i did (which she wasnt expecting) and the dude seriously spun around to see who was honking! we were all cracking up and my friend called out the window to him. crazy crazy day.

classes

Posted in class/school, life, pagan on October 17, 2008 by gothiclg

most classes have been pretty easy. had the few hard ones of course. so far ceramics is going the easiest. most people are going a lot slower than me (most are two or three weeks behind me) and am finishing the last fish in our “Family of fish” project. this one’s my ninja fish, all of him is going to be black except for the fins, eyes, and fins. those are this funky orange color. i’d pick something else dark (like the jet black im useing on the rest of the fish) but the teacher doesnt have many colors of underglaze so i have to pick from what she has.

as far as creative writing goes im debateing on what i plan on doing with a project we’re doing. i’m writing a fiction peice and im not sure what i want to do for it. ive got a book im writeing now that ive got a lot done on that im debateing on useing but im not sure if its appropriate…which means its most likely not. qho knows? ive got plenty of time to figure it out.

my position

Posted in life on October 9, 2008 by gothiclg

ive gotten to the point in life where i realize that no matter what i say or what i do people are listening and paying attention to what i do, that behavior really does matter. sure, ive always been ms goth goody two shoes most of the time but now ive really realized where ive wound up. i have at least one (if not both) of my younger sisters who look up to me, ive got people asking me about being a vegitarian or about animal rights because of some pins ive got on my backpack, ive got people who look to me for help in what i consider easy as pie high school classes. theres a lot of people who look to me for guidence and help with things at a point when ive really realized that it matters, something ive never realized before. even now looking back i see some of the good ive done and realize the impact that it really had on people and the way it looked when i did it, how much it really did mean when i made that choice, knowing the consequences or not.

before it was always hard to beleive i was making any sort of impace on peoples lives when so many people were making such a huge impact on my own, when mine was always in such a constant flux. that so many of my friends and family really did care if i was happy or not and were interested in what i was doing and what i beleived in. that there were so many who looked to me for some causes like gay rights and were willing to help towards the cause i was also interested in, or that others were interested in animal rights and may want to know something that i did or that i had something to learn. theres so much i probably havent realized yet and so much thats still to happen but hopefully i can still have a positive impact in peoples lives.

thinking of religion

Posted in life, pagan on October 3, 2008 by gothiclg

spent a lot of time after lunch thinking about this today. i dediced to get a starbucks double shot during lunch and after bio decided to mix all of that with a sobe lizared lava (stawberry daqori) and i pretty much started to space out after that (not the first time its happened to me). it made me really start to think about a lot of different things about gods and things like that. first thing that really caght my mind was how people could beleive that one god could keep track of so many different souls, plan out their lives, keep track of everything they where doing all of the time, answer or deny their prayers, and keep track of all of the souls in their version of heaven and those in heaven.

then i got into my own religious veiws and how they affected me and how all of that itself would be run. how many gods are assigned to every thing? how do they themselves keep track of everything? how do they communicate to the right god about what we need right then or what they beleive that god should take away from us based on what they’re doing. how do they keep track of a persons karma (good or bad) and deal out to them the affects that they deserve? is there a god (such as zeus) who rules all of the other gods and has a way of recording everything? how are things like sexuality that we’re born with passed out? how are our paths in love tracked? how are things like tattoo ideas tossed at us for us to decide upon or is there a god that tosses out these choices?

even with all of these questions being tossed out there (most of which were in my math class) i couldnt seem to get any answers. it seemed like so much was still hidden from me and left for me to ponder about endlessly with the time i didnt have to particularly focus on much of anything. again now i seem to return to these searching for the answers of which i long. the more i think the deeper they seem to go which makes me want to search even harder for the answers. makes me wonder how much the gods really give to us to understand when we’re not spending time with them or if much of this is left for us to really decide. no matter what i seem to be able to come to for me to beleive in it seems like more questions come up than answers which always makes me keep digging and digging to find what i need to know. more and more im finding my peace and finding more and more for me to dig into and try to broaden my sense of myself and of life, both in and out of my body. i know to keep going forward with as much ferocity as life continues to progress forward as the gods and goddesses continue to push my jorney in this lifetime forward.

though i dont know all of the answers to the questions i ask i know that this is all part of what we all need to progress in this life. what fun is the journey if we have nothing to dig at when we meditate or just ponder at in general? i know without the distractions in my mind i know i would get way too bored and may never get beyond where ive gotten today, may never get beyond my current mistakes and problems, never to move on into the ultimate level that the gods ask us to be at for the ultimate part of our life journey no matter the amount of reincarnations we get. i know theres so much i only know because others have told me it to be true that i know nothing else about. i know nothing beyond the light coursework i have in biology and receive such high marks on when it comes to a test. if only there was something beyond this that we were sure of.