thinking of religion

spent a lot of time after lunch thinking about this today. i dediced to get a starbucks double shot during lunch and after bio decided to mix all of that with a sobe lizared lava (stawberry daqori) and i pretty much started to space out after that (not the first time its happened to me). it made me really start to think about a lot of different things about gods and things like that. first thing that really caght my mind was how people could beleive that one god could keep track of so many different souls, plan out their lives, keep track of everything they where doing all of the time, answer or deny their prayers, and keep track of all of the souls in their version of heaven and those in heaven.

then i got into my own religious veiws and how they affected me and how all of that itself would be run. how many gods are assigned to every thing? how do they themselves keep track of everything? how do they communicate to the right god about what we need right then or what they beleive that god should take away from us based on what they’re doing. how do they keep track of a persons karma (good or bad) and deal out to them the affects that they deserve? is there a god (such as zeus) who rules all of the other gods and has a way of recording everything? how are things like sexuality that we’re born with passed out? how are our paths in love tracked? how are things like tattoo ideas tossed at us for us to decide upon or is there a god that tosses out these choices?

even with all of these questions being tossed out there (most of which were in my math class) i couldnt seem to get any answers. it seemed like so much was still hidden from me and left for me to ponder about endlessly with the time i didnt have to particularly focus on much of anything. again now i seem to return to these searching for the answers of which i long. the more i think the deeper they seem to go which makes me want to search even harder for the answers. makes me wonder how much the gods really give to us to understand when we’re not spending time with them or if much of this is left for us to really decide. no matter what i seem to be able to come to for me to beleive in it seems like more questions come up than answers which always makes me keep digging and digging to find what i need to know. more and more im finding my peace and finding more and more for me to dig into and try to broaden my sense of myself and of life, both in and out of my body. i know to keep going forward with as much ferocity as life continues to progress forward as the gods and goddesses continue to push my jorney in this lifetime forward.

though i dont know all of the answers to the questions i ask i know that this is all part of what we all need to progress in this life. what fun is the journey if we have nothing to dig at when we meditate or just ponder at in general? i know without the distractions in my mind i know i would get way too bored and may never get beyond where ive gotten today, may never get beyond my current mistakes and problems, never to move on into the ultimate level that the gods ask us to be at for the ultimate part of our life journey no matter the amount of reincarnations we get. i know theres so much i only know because others have told me it to be true that i know nothing else about. i know nothing beyond the light coursework i have in biology and receive such high marks on when it comes to a test. if only there was something beyond this that we were sure of.

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