Archive for the pagan Category

Servitude

Posted in life, pagan, poetry with tags , , on January 23, 2009 by gothiclg

I look through my dark

Cloud at the happy world

That always seems to

go on without me.

 

I force my way through

The required death and

Think of my god and

When he might

Come for me.

 

I wonder how painless

My death will be and if

I’ll know I’m

Dieing before it

Ever comes to be.

 

I wonder if I’ll

Be picked for the

Servitude of life

Or again to the

Servitude of love.

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holidays comeing and going.

Posted in life, pagan with tags , , on December 23, 2008 by gothiclg

i just had yule pass by. i felt a strong connection with the universe (as i do with many of the pagan holidays) and had tons of fun despite not being around anyone with simmilar beleifs as me. now christmas is coming up and i already have all of my shopping done. despite loving christmas for years as a child its lost all of its flare now. i no longer care for worldly possetions and would rather just fix what i do have. i had to make a list for the family but it seems a bit lame that they think this holiday still matters to me even after the switch. with no other pagans around me that i know of it makes celebrateing the holidays i do enjoy a little harder. not to mention the new year is coming. though this still has a little of its fun its also lot a lot of its fun. sure, watching the entertainment as the ball drops in new york is always something i can do but theres little else i can do since i cant legally drink. *sigh* i thought these holidays would never have their fun fade but it already has, 18 years in to life. lets hope theres more that comes into life and i’ll have mu luck connecting with others.

darkend day in the sea

Posted in class/school, life, pagan with tags , , , on October 24, 2008 by gothiclg

had a bit of an off day despite all the fun thats happened. its almost like something was always looming over my head that i didnt know about, that i couldnt pick up. sure, i talked to two girls in ceramics about some fun stuff, got to talk to some more friends in biology, got to see a friend i hadnt seen in ages and got to talk to her a little. for whatever reason though i felt like some sort of death was looming over me all day. sure, i know i sense ghosts, ive been able to do it for years, but its seemed to be getting more positive lately. it seemed like this was a bad negative though. sure, i know my school is haunted, ive seen all the orbs in my homecoming pictures and sensed their left energies, and i also know that i dont know why any of them are stuck there considering i havent found any news articles concerning death’s at the school. i cant even say it was one of the ones that belonged to the school, that it wasnt one that followed me from home in an effort to get some of the help it wanted. sure, the gods send them to me and other sensitives for help but i have no way of increaseing my sensitivity more to be able to speak/communicate with them more clearly. it sucks. im going to light my usual candles and incense later and hope that it helps the spirits find their way.

classes

Posted in class/school, life, pagan on October 17, 2008 by gothiclg

most classes have been pretty easy. had the few hard ones of course. so far ceramics is going the easiest. most people are going a lot slower than me (most are two or three weeks behind me) and am finishing the last fish in our “Family of fish” project. this one’s my ninja fish, all of him is going to be black except for the fins, eyes, and fins. those are this funky orange color. i’d pick something else dark (like the jet black im useing on the rest of the fish) but the teacher doesnt have many colors of underglaze so i have to pick from what she has.

as far as creative writing goes im debateing on what i plan on doing with a project we’re doing. i’m writing a fiction peice and im not sure what i want to do for it. ive got a book im writeing now that ive got a lot done on that im debateing on useing but im not sure if its appropriate…which means its most likely not. qho knows? ive got plenty of time to figure it out.

thinking of religion

Posted in life, pagan on October 3, 2008 by gothiclg

spent a lot of time after lunch thinking about this today. i dediced to get a starbucks double shot during lunch and after bio decided to mix all of that with a sobe lizared lava (stawberry daqori) and i pretty much started to space out after that (not the first time its happened to me). it made me really start to think about a lot of different things about gods and things like that. first thing that really caght my mind was how people could beleive that one god could keep track of so many different souls, plan out their lives, keep track of everything they where doing all of the time, answer or deny their prayers, and keep track of all of the souls in their version of heaven and those in heaven.

then i got into my own religious veiws and how they affected me and how all of that itself would be run. how many gods are assigned to every thing? how do they themselves keep track of everything? how do they communicate to the right god about what we need right then or what they beleive that god should take away from us based on what they’re doing. how do they keep track of a persons karma (good or bad) and deal out to them the affects that they deserve? is there a god (such as zeus) who rules all of the other gods and has a way of recording everything? how are things like sexuality that we’re born with passed out? how are our paths in love tracked? how are things like tattoo ideas tossed at us for us to decide upon or is there a god that tosses out these choices?

even with all of these questions being tossed out there (most of which were in my math class) i couldnt seem to get any answers. it seemed like so much was still hidden from me and left for me to ponder about endlessly with the time i didnt have to particularly focus on much of anything. again now i seem to return to these searching for the answers of which i long. the more i think the deeper they seem to go which makes me want to search even harder for the answers. makes me wonder how much the gods really give to us to understand when we’re not spending time with them or if much of this is left for us to really decide. no matter what i seem to be able to come to for me to beleive in it seems like more questions come up than answers which always makes me keep digging and digging to find what i need to know. more and more im finding my peace and finding more and more for me to dig into and try to broaden my sense of myself and of life, both in and out of my body. i know to keep going forward with as much ferocity as life continues to progress forward as the gods and goddesses continue to push my jorney in this lifetime forward.

though i dont know all of the answers to the questions i ask i know that this is all part of what we all need to progress in this life. what fun is the journey if we have nothing to dig at when we meditate or just ponder at in general? i know without the distractions in my mind i know i would get way too bored and may never get beyond where ive gotten today, may never get beyond my current mistakes and problems, never to move on into the ultimate level that the gods ask us to be at for the ultimate part of our life journey no matter the amount of reincarnations we get. i know theres so much i only know because others have told me it to be true that i know nothing else about. i know nothing beyond the light coursework i have in biology and receive such high marks on when it comes to a test. if only there was something beyond this that we were sure of.

affecting past

Posted in pagan, poetry on September 11, 2008 by gothiclg

pain is a constant

reminder of what

ive wasted too

many hours

running from.

 

youve destroyed

an amount of time

that i can never

attempt to get

back as i now

fight to stay in

a path of love.

 

i fight to stay

away from you and

avoid the pain you

caused and continue

to worry about

who else is there.

death assignment

Posted in pagan, poetry on September 8, 2008 by gothiclg

death comes quickly

after life and so many

things can make it

come about.

 

so many things can

connect you to

your god and goddess

and so many paths

can be taken.

 

so much love

cane come into

light and so much

can be stolen away.

 

so many ways to

continue serving after

death and so many ways

for you to be assigned.